Montag, 25. Juni 2012
Day 30 - Whining is a blame and shame game (DIP)
Whining is an interesting thing, and throughout my life I found myself many times in such a mood, i got so used to it that it was underlying my everyday life and even when I was not apparently whining, I would have spread the intention of whining through all my interactions, my whole behaviour was that of a whining man. When I was all alone on myself, in my room, I had moments that could last hours, where I celebrated my mood of whining in self pitty, regret, frustration and despair. I cried and hit the walls with my fist and head, tried to scream out to the world my inner pain and blame. I felt rejected by the whole world, especially my family/father, and while I became more and more addicted and dependant on this self pitty and whining behaviour I moved myself more and more into a deadlock situation. I don't intend to elaborate my whole childhood story here in this blog, on the one hand I did other blogs and vlogs about it already and on the other I find that it is not even relevant for the exploration of 'whining', what sorts of specific experiences cause you to develop that habit. Relevant is the realization of how it traps you, how it becomes a habit that gets you stuck and prevents you from realizing that the hell that you experience, the pain, the anger and fear is all just self created, a rejective reaction towards your own Self-Responsibility.
Most of the times the superficial triggers for getting into a whining mood were disappointments, failed expectations from a specific situation, when I returned home from a meeting with 'friends', when I had a controversial with others and felt that I was misunderstood etc. But in the end all those apparant triggers were all just an excuse for not facing the real relevant points in self honesty, because within all that superficial explanations it is always easy to find excuses, easy to blame others, the circumstances, the weather or whatever. But looking at it in self honesty reveals the true origins of one's self pitty, of one's whining and blaming: you do not stand for yourself, not for what you have become, you are not willing to accept your responsibility for what you are, for the situation you are in and for what you have allowed, accepted and created in this world. Most of the time you don't even know what / who you are, why you feel or think that way, why you desire, wish and want things. But nevertheless you always try and take effort into the act of achievement, into striving for those things and you call it / see it as your personal fulfillment. All the time following ghosts, following blindly whatever systems or programs are operating inside your mind, without supervision, without any control. Just accepted and allowed by yourself, accepted and allowed determination as well as the consequences that you are whining about later on. So, who is to blame?
Yourself then? But baming yourself doesn't do anything. It makes things worth. Because most of the time when falling into depressed moods, desperate about the hopeless situation that you find yourself in, when you turn to yourself and start to feel guilty, blaming yourself for failing, not being good or strong enough, you still miss the points that really caused all your trouble. You still separate yourself from the universe so to speak, seeing yourself as a special existance, that has been put into this environment, that is a victim to the circumstances. And this is the big mistake, because you as a human being here on this planet ARE the circumstances, you ARE creating this reality, you ARE forming the conditions. And all blame, whether on yourself or others, will remain superficial, useless, futile, nonsense. Not a single relevant action of change will come out of a mind condition of blame and victimization, because these thoughts of separation are actually the motor that keeps the same system running, that continuously produces exactly those consequences that make you whine in the first place. Simple and obvious common sense, you only have to dare to look into things in self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a victim of 'others', of 'the system', of 'my family', of 'my social status' rather than to realize and accept the fact that all that we as humans have created, allowed and accepted to exist as a system on this planet, power, money, politics, industry etc. is our own, individual and sociological responsibility and that there is no separation from that if one faces the facts of reality and common sense as Life itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whine about my disappointments in Life, facing the challenges of an unjust system while striving for desires, whishes and personal dreams that haven't even been my own self chosen ones but have been programmed into my mind consciousness system by society, by media and culture and by myself through accepting and allowing those values and ideas, hardly ever questioning them to become my personality, to determine my decisions, judgements and the aims of my living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with ideas of personal fulfillment, always taking preprogrammed values and ideals as scales of my self judgement, never considering my own self, never considering the interests of others, just blindly following the carrot on a string, consuming, striving, running, failing, regretting, whining, blaming until resignation and depression triggered the patterns of self abuse and then the next temptation of the system's consuming motivators lured me into the mind trap and got me starting the circle all over again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to see/realize the self entrapment of whining and how it prevented me from actually changing things, starting with myself, how it was/has become my self victimization as an excuse for not going deeper into my own self realization of self responsibility.
I forgive myself tha I have accepted and allowed myself to pitty myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually celebrate my self pitty and to feel 'at home' in this mood of whining.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realize that within my whining there was always a hidden hope for redemption from an outside power and that therefore my whining was an act of self abandonment and born out of a fear to accept my own self responsibility.
I commit myself in the moment of any upcoming related feeling / emotion to whining like self pity, resignation, frustration, 'giving up', any temptation to start whining about anything or anyone to stop my participation within those patterns, to breathe and look at the points that were actually triggering this whining mood, face the hidden fears and habits in self honesty, to apply self forgiveness on them and see them as what they are: a self made trap of the mind to hinder myself from facing self responsibility and actually directing myself with self will and according to common sense self directive principles of oneness and equality of all life.
I commit myself to look inside myself whenever I feel like whining in order to trace the hidden fears that prevent me from facing my own self responsibility and self determination.